Writer’s Guilt

Is that a thing because I feel it almost daily? If I’m not working my day job, I feel like I should be writing, editing, querying or networking with other writers. And I don’t do any of these things as much as I should, mostly the writing/editing part.

To be fair, I have a busy life… don’t we all? Day job is busy. I have two chronic illnesses that seem to take up a lot of my life. Then I have a family and pets.

My daughter is living with us again with her 3 young sons (A 5 year old and 3 year old twins) so that takes up my time being Gigi and helping her.

However, I want to, need to be able to make this writing thing work. With my chronic illnesses I feel like I have a shorter time to work at day job. I don’t think I’ll make it to retirement age (another 20 years). I don’t know how much time I have left, but each day is a real struggle to get through and my body just gets weaker and sicker.

I recently got over a virus/cold/sinus infection that lasted over a month. Well the effects of being so sick like that cause me to flare up with my other illnesses. It causes fatigue, weakness and pain. Lots of pain. I nap almost each day that I’m not at day job (out of the house) but every “home” day, I have to lay down for some portion to rest. I hate it. It is frustrating but makes my writer’s guilt go into hyperdrive.

Why?

Because I need to help support my family and if I get sick like this, it could set me back to the point, I can’t work outside of the house. I feel like I’m just one cold away from that setback, but I don’t know… It could be several away. I could have 10 more years to work or 1 or a week. I have no idea. My body has let me down too many times and I hate it.

But I try to be positive. It doesn’t always work and I do complain and let myself fall apart, but then I try to remind myself “It could be worse.”

I try to focus on my goal which is to become a fulltime writer. I don’t need fame and fortune, just want to replace my current income and be able to work from home.

And no it isn’t all about money for me. I do love telling my stories. My spin on life. Sharing my outlook. I really hope this next year I’ll finally have some thing published and can start making money with it.

But until I then I’m sure my guilt will continue as I take time from my family to work or spend time with my family and not work. Or being sick and not doing day job or writing.

As always, thanks for the support!!

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